What a happy surprise upon opening my blog! It just so happened to coincide with my decision to blow off the dust and update you on my life for the first time in a year. I’ve taken nearly twelve months to focus on my own mental health and happiness and it has proven to be the best year of my life thus far. With sincerity, I look at pictures of myself from just two years ago (and many many years before that) and see the sadness hidden behind my eyes. Now I look in the mirror and see the true Sarah looking back at me.
I’ve bounced around so many ways of beginning this post, and basically what it all boils down to is this:
The human brain is dumb.
It says things it doesn’t really mean, makes you do things you don’t necessarily want to do, tricks you into believing things that aren’t necessarily true. It’s as if there are more than one of you in there, each one fighting to be the person you think you should be, the person you used to be, the person you want to be, and the person you truly are. The voice you choose to listen to guides your life. Through yoga, meditation, theraputic lifestyle changes, individual therapy, trial and error of medications, and wellness and nutrition coaching, I have found ways that help me identify which one of me is talking and which one serves my purpose in that moment.
I am unable to pinpoint the exact moment everything clicked, but one day very recently I woke up and was ME. Unfiltered, unfettered, absolutely loving myself and the skin I’m in, and unabashedly loving the man I am married to. Our stars aligned. All the work I’ve put in over the past year brought us to where I once was pleading with myself to be. The catalyst was my decision to take the overwhelming step of asking for help. For years and years and years I told myself I needed help. Once, in college, I went to the student health center but the guidance they provided wasn’t the right fit for me at the time. I felt like I just needed someone to tell me what to do to feel happy. To like myself. To feel connected. So at the end of 2014 I did it. I went to Bert Nash for an evaluation and was somehow blessed with Chloe Moushey as my therapist. Without Chloe’s help I would not have been successful in making real change in my life so quickly and for that I am forever grateful. On November 11 I will graduate from her therapy and somehow actually feel ready! Unfortunately, Chloe’s leaving Lawrence soon after my graduation. Not only will I miss her guidance, but also the pleasure of being her teacher, guiding her through my yoga and meditation practice.
Sometimes, when you open your heart, angels find their way in. But it allows that grace and love and peace to flow out of us too, doesn’t it? Now that my heart and brain have broken open, there is space to allow people in to the party I already started. Speaking of, please take a moment to watch this video on being truly happy in your life.
One of my proudest outcomes from my personal journey is the creation of Yoga in LFK. Sharing my story is so important to me in order to help end the stigma surrounding mental health. This is my way of sharing what I’ve learned with all of you. Come to my class, won’t you?
Love and light and gratitude. Namaste.