Today I’m feeling retrospective. Aren’t we all on the last day of the year?
2013 was the first year in my nearly 34 years where I really focused on myself. That may sound selfish, but hear me out. I’ve got a whole lot of crazy in my head that had gone untended for far too long. Depression, anxiety, Seasonal Affective Disorder, self-loathing, self-doubt, the whole bit.
So I started tending to it.
March brought us to a debt management counselor and worked out a budget, which lifted a massive boulder from my chest.
April saw the launch of my gorgeous friend Tiffany’s project SmashGlam and the little bit of help I could provide in her social channels through my gloom.
May and its glorious sunshine started to kick my SAD’s ass, took me to Modesto, CA, gave me one of the most incredible experiences of my life, and also marked ten years of marriage to my husband.
June, July and August were devoted to long walks in the sun and a shit ton of yoga in the park. It’s here that I realized yoga is truly the answer to the darkness I struggle with. It quiets my mind and connects me to my body, which I’ve truly learned to love in all of its parts. I learned that taking care of myself first, mind body and soul, is not selfish, it’s necessary.
In September my baby girl turned five (5!!!) and I officially became a certified YogaFit Level I instructor.
October, typically the busiest for me as a Cerner employee, was even nuttier as I was put in charge of a huge project at CHC. And I rocked it. And then Bill and I got to celebrate our second 10th anniversary in Vegas because a Cerner sent me to JiveWorld.
November came with more and more opportunities to teach yoga and December gave me the chance to spend real time with my family. And of course the holidays that bring all of the cookies and pies and cakes and coldness that keeps me out of the sun, which means I get to start it all over again.
But I have a plan. No resolutions here, just a few action items and themes to carry me throughout the next twelve months. My action items are boring (check the budget daily, meditate nightly, blah) but here are my intentions:
Acceptance. My mantra: You are enough, you’ve done enough.
Accept myself as I am, right now. Accept others as they are because I don’t always know what they may be struggling with. Judgement and speculation do not serve me. Accept the moment as it is, positive or negative, because it is exactly as it is meant to be. Find the lesson within that moment.
Release expectation, especially of myself. Expectations set me up for disappointment because they rarely meet the exact criteria my brain conjures up. Be my best and do my best because that’s all I can do.
Disconnect. From stuff. From my stupid smartphone. From my fixation on what others think of me. This one is big. And probably the hardest. It means I’m going to distance myself even more from the social networks* I’ve defined myself in (Facebook is a HUGE source of my crazy) and work harder to connect with the people I care about in real life. And I suck at that, so it will be serious work. But it will be worth it.
*Except Instagram because it is a huge source of inspiration for me. And Pinterest because, Pinterest.
And perhaps my favorite, the one I’ve been repeating to myself for a few weeks now, in 2014 I will be unapologetically ME.