A few months ago I talked about being lonely even though I have lots of friends. True to my word, I’ve worked on reaching out more, connecting with people in real life and focused on being present and available for those I love.
In 2011 I lost four major friendships. Nobody died, but after more than a decade of friendship our lives simply diverged. Each of these people made choices that lead them down a path different from the one I’m traveling.
It hurts. I’m a fighter, not someone who gives up easily. I’ve begged and badgered and tried to lend an ear but there comes a point when it’s obvious that’s not what the other person wants. In one case, they’re in denial. It wasn’t their actions that got them where they are, it’s always someone else’s. Pointing fingers but never taking responsibility or learning from those actions. In another, they’re scared, terrified, undeniably alone. Instead of allowing people who love them in, they’re shutting out the world and running away. And in another, they’re simply blind and deaf to the family that loves them.
I have to accept the fact that I can’t save anyone who doesn’t want to be saved. I can’t wedge myself into a space where I don’t seem to fit anymore. It doesn’t necessarily mean I won’t still be here if they need me in the future, but I have to focus my attention on those who want it now.
Related: this song has been on constant rotation in my head for weeks now.