I have a lot of friends. 1049 followers, 317 on facebook. A good number of those people are family members, close friends old and new, and people I worked closely with for nearly 9 years. On twitter, I’ve made great connections in Lawrence, Kansas City, Wichita and everywhere in between. I’ve found thought leaders in various topics that have helped me grow personally and professionally. I’ve benefited from the social connection I’ve made with each of these people.
But today I felt really lonely.
I am the first to admit I can be a hermit. It’s easy to get caught up in the daily routine: wake up, shower, get ready, make lunch and a smoothie, squeeze Maddie for 5 minutes, get gas if needed, pick up Charlie, drive 47 miles to work, manage communities and innovate while finding ways to workout during the day, drive 47 miles home, drop off Charlie, squeeze my family for 5 minutes, make dinner, do dishes, squeeze Maddie, bathe Maddie, read to Maddie and put her to bed, see Bill, do what chores need to be done, wash my face and climb in bed. Repeat.
This morning I decided that I wanted to do something tonight. Most Friday nights Bill hangs out with any number of friends while I lie on my couch in my pajamas and alternately stare at Pinterest, twitter or any A&E Intervention/Hoarders marathon that’s on. Saturdays we alternate staying home and actually seeing each other or I go to bed early and he sees friends or plays PS3 (currently Skyrim). Please note, I LOVE that Bill has friends he hangs out with. No animosity there, I want him to go out as much or as little as he wants. I personally enjoy having an evening alone.
Where was I? Oh yes. Decided I wanted to do something tonight. So I text a good friend whom I love and miss dearly. The only reason we don’t hang out more is my inability to make time reach out. (please see above). Not that it isn’t possible, it’s just too easy to lose track of how much time has passed. But I didn’t get a response. So I texted another good friend whom I love and miss dearly. And I get an immediate response, although apologetic. My dear friend was busy tonight with another good friend whom I love and miss dearly (a third, not the first I spoke of). And a mention that “it doesn’t seem like this mood strikes me very often. :)”
She’s right. And that sucks. My whole life I’ve struggled with girl friends. Don’t get me wrong, there are the handful of girls I’ve spent so much of my time and secrets with they will always have my heart. But I’ve never been good at making time for them. It’s never that I don’t care, it’s that it’s too easy to get stuck in my own little world. And the longer you stay there, the harder it is to reach out. There’s always something, and then so much time has passed it’s weird. But they’re always there, and we always have a great time when we’re together. Always.
This evening worked out, our brother from another mother came over. Beers, UFC and good music make things better. But it’s a good reminder that when we continue to do what we’ve always done, we will get what we have always got. I have to make the time to step out of my routine and reconnect with dear friends whom I love and miss dearly. Otherwise, my texts will continue to go unanswered.