I have a lot of friends. 1049 followers, 317 on facebook. A good number of those people are family members, close friends old and new, and people I worked closely with for nearly 9 years. On twitter, I’ve made great connections in Lawrence, Kansas City, Wichita and everywhere in between. I’ve found thought leaders in various topics that have helped me grow personally and professionally. I’ve benefited from the social connection I’ve made with each of these people.

But today I felt really lonely.

I am the first to admit I can be a hermit. It’s easy to get caught up in the daily routine: wake up, shower, get ready, make lunch and a smoothie, squeeze Maddie for 5 minutes, get gas if needed, pick up Charlie, drive 47 miles to work, manage communities and innovate while finding ways to workout during the day, drive 47 miles home, drop off Charlie, squeeze my family for 5 minutes, make dinner, do dishes, squeeze Maddie, bathe Maddie, read to Maddie and put her to bed, see Bill, do what chores need to be done, wash my face and climb in bed. Repeat.

This morning I decided that I wanted to do something tonight. Most Friday nights Bill hangs out with any number of friends while I lie on my couch in my pajamas and alternately stare at Pinterest, twitter or any A&E Intervention/Hoarders marathon that’s on. Saturdays we alternate staying home and actually seeing each other or I go to bed early and he sees friends or plays PS3 (currently Skyrim). Please note, I LOVE that Bill has friends he hangs out with. No animosity there, I want him to go out as much or as little as he wants. I personally enjoy having an evening alone.

Where was I? Oh yes. Decided I wanted to do something tonight. So I text a good friend whom I love and miss dearly. The only reason we don’t hang out more is my inability to make time reach out. (please see above). Not that it isn’t possible, it’s just too easy to lose track of how much time has passed. But I didn’t get a response. So I texted another good friend whom I love and miss dearly. And I get an immediate response, although apologetic. My dear friend was busy tonight with another good friend whom I love and miss dearly (a third, not the first I spoke of).  And a mention that “it doesn’t seem like this mood strikes me very often. :)”

She’s right. And that sucks. My whole life I’ve struggled with girl friends. Don’t get me wrong, there are the handful of girls I’ve spent so much of my time and secrets with they will always have my heart. But I’ve never been good at making time for them. It’s never that I don’t care, it’s that it’s too easy to get stuck in my own little world. And the longer you stay there, the harder it is to reach out. There’s always something, and then so much time has passed it’s weird. But they’re always there, and we always have a great time when we’re together. Always.

This evening worked out, our brother from another mother came over. Beers, UFC and good music make things better. But it’s a good reminder that when we continue to do what we’ve always done, we will get what we have always got. I have to make the time to step out of my routine and reconnect with dear friends whom I love and miss dearly. Otherwise, my texts will continue to go unanswered.


About sarahkscoular

Sarah K. Scoular (@sarahkscoular on twitter) has 15 years customer service experience including face to face, over the phone and via digital interactions. Sarah is currently Enterprise Community Manager for uCern, the enterprise 2.0 social platform where Cerner Associates and Clients connect and collaborate. She ensures the 100,000+ member network is connecting people with others in similar roles or special interest groups, sharing information and finding answers to the questions they're looking for. Sarah helps others who are helping to revolutionize Health Care. Outside of work, Sarah is the wife of a graphic designer/laser engraver and the mother of seven-year-old Madeleine. She loves to cook clean, plant-strong foods and is a certified yoga and Les Mills BODYFLOW instructor.
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6 Responses to friends

  1. Kathy Wilson says:

    Oh how I hate to tell you that you come by this honestly. Sometimes it takes an act of congress to drag me out of my cozy lite cave. But make the effort! You need your girlfriends in your life. There is nothing better than a good laugh, or gossiping with your friends. It will even add to your relationship with Bill and Maddie. It’s good to bring things from the outside in.

  2. Debbi says:

    I cannot even tell you how much this sounds like something I could have written myself.

  3. Glad to know I’m not the only one, not that that is a good excuse for any of us!

  4. Becky Drews says:

    I’m right there in the same boat with you. Unfortunately, Mike can be just as big of a hermit, so many nights find us sitting around staring at each other. He’s happy to be a homebody, but I find myself getting restless (and sometimes kind of depressed) about it. Girl time is a must, but sometimes hard to do with a busy work/family schedule. *sigh*

  5. I totally feel like I could have written this post. As a wife and a careerist (I imagine it only gets hard adding Mommy to this list) it seems almost impossible to stay in touch with friends. I feel like the only people I ever see are Travis’s friends (okay, yeah, since moving, that’s going to happen for awhile, but even in Lawrence that’s how if felt). It’s so easy to become disconnected these days. I’m a fan of social media the same way you are, but I sometimes wonder if this isn’t hurting me. Prior to all this connectedness online – I had standing dates with friends – we had to call to cancel these things, not make them. Add on the faster moving pace of life and it’s no wonder we all feel this way. *hugs* to you – you’re so not alone feeling this way.

  6. Pingback: detachment |

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